Absolutely Pointless Stories

The Space Whales - Chapter 2

2011-03-05T16:14:00.000-08:00

Momentarily, sanity struck

their genitalia. The

fog thickened and

was eaten by

Batman, who was

holding a bat.

The bat was

peeing white coffee

for Batman's breakfast

party. For years

he wept, until

he drowned himself.

A human whale

can't possibly exist

without dragon whales

that spit rockets.

So together, they

jumped with joy

and conquered the

right to disappear.

Disappearing to another

guy's head, which

provided fertile land,

bad headaches altogether

to spur bananas

as a religion

for him to

declare holy war

upon ketchup spiders

that created webs

on cheeseburger whales.

McDonald's sued them

and lost, because

Burger King bailed

the spiders so

they could poo

holograms to reach

the sandwich once

the fallout ended.

THE END.

The Space Whales - Chapter 1

2011-02-18T14:54:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time

foreign holograms of

evil spawned in

her knickers. This

is Sparta! Then

her shrieks jellyfied

flying carpet riders

making them crash

against seagulls. Itching

cannons fired her

to Uranus. For

heaven's sake, show

must go on!

At Uranus, she

rubbed softly her

exposed antenna breasts

for decades, until

an alien came

to her forehead

and planted a

giant skyscrapper of

DOOM! Soon, millions

of space whales

gave birth to

prevent world destruction.

"Touché, alien! My

anus is bleeding."

"Can I see?"

Asked a whale.

So she spread

herself and imploded

to absorb all

solar systems into

her sandwich. However

it wasn't tasty

and the whales

started an orgy.

Peanutbutter jelly time

2011-02-17T16:26:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time

Peanutbutter jelly time

Orange and lime

is a crime,

to waste my

time. "Not mine!"

"Jesus, whatever, fine!"

THE END.

Zero-Gravity Dance Floors

2010-11-01T15:08:00.000-07:00

Once Upon A Time

zero-gravity dance floors

dropped their disco-balls

and imploded. Miniature

robotic kangaroos were

convincing the cops

to arrest koalas

and be happy.

Getting up is

the worst. Fucking

batteries are low.

His eyepatch evaporated

which caused clouds

to care less.

Careless clouds got

eyepatched and hallowed

until they imploded.

Rocket, rocket, rocket

blasted away again

zero-gravity dance floors

again and again

and again opened

a portal to

vaccum metal concerts.

The End.

Nipple-Twisting Giraffes Rebell

2010-08-06T06:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
women were trees
made of flesh
and faked their
breasts with fruits,
however, giraffes, rebelling,
burnt the women's
pine dildos, forsaking
the blooming flowers
of male mermaids.
Like rushing snails,
the giraffes charged
to nipple-twist them
for greater justice,
squirting milk out
of their eyes,
blinding them, which
just plain sucks.
A train rolled
over them all.
The End.

When Lion Hairdos Prevailed

2010-04-18T15:33:00.002-07:00

Once Upon A Time

Yes I will have you
You've set your sights on me?
And no one else will do
Cuz you take my self control
But you just wanna use my love tonight
Tonight you'll come
Ok I'll just die in your arms tonight
Having electric dreams together with me
Because I'm a slave to love
And I, I, I love little girls
That must have been love, but it's over now
Because I ran, I ran so far away
And you're carried away by the moonlight shadow
When my porn video killed the radio star
With a shot through the heart, and you're to blame
Because I can do what I want
Only because you're big in japan
Where there's lots of boys, boys, boys
That like girls, just wanna have fun
When my heart goes bang bang bang
There's nothing you can say, a total eclipse of the heart
In the stardust dawn underneath the crystal roofs
I hold on to your body and feel each move you make
In you I stick my flesh, flesh for fantasy
And you spin me right round like a record
And like this we stay forever young.

The End.

Underage Lesbian Marriage

2009-12-20T15:22:00.000-08:00

Once Upon A Time
a little boy
with his little
halo, met an
iron fishing hook
and combined it
with a pole
to unlock a
can of sardines.
Inside, an heptagon,
with nineteen sides,
bit him. "ARR!"
The wound later
started growing polygons
that rolled over
a barrel of
explosives of BOOM,
making a KABOOM
that ultimately created
fireworks of triangles.
And the universe.
.Happened impossible the
.Too stuff other
The little boy
became a man,
then a girl
became a man,
never meeting eachother
with lights on.
The men fought
with their swords
and opened holes
to other dimensions
and became airwaves
that didn't exist.
Their denied existence
turned them emo,
so they poisoned
the universe because
then, they could
marry each other,
un-man-ing the girl,
girl-ing the man
to an underage
marriage, or whatever.
The End.

Time Was Upon

2009-12-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
before the beginning,
after bad ending,
Time was upon
lunatics on rails
carrying rusty backpacks,
that loathy pixie
just ran out.
Carmine curtains collapsed
causing clueless cactus
to track traps,
tempting to trail
Time's tripping tricks.
Beautifully carved landscapes
had her carved
from top to
her carved curves,
to flat bottom.
Time saw that
it was blind.
Ashamed, it rewound
back in time
and went bananas
over splits. Then,
she shat sheets
still stealing steel,
striking stolen strippers.
And before Christmas
Time timed Timmy
for him to
poison himself when
Time runs out.
The End.

Hills Have Boulders

2009-10-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
hills were bruised
by spiky boulders
that were mating
just for fun.
The End.

MDMSL, A Chronicle.

2009-08-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

Monks Devouring Metamphetamines
Spurs Liberalism. My
Darling, My Sweet
Love. My Devil,
My Screaming Litany.
Martyrs During Medical
Sodomy Laugh. Mia
Defies Malon Supressing
Lesbianism. Marth Delights
Mario's Sexual Lust.
Mario Drinks Marth's
Spitting Love. Mashing
Drunken Meatballs Secretes
Lemonade. Malice's Dripping
Mush Strikes Lightning.

O! A BATTAFLYE

2009-07-05T14:45:00.001-07:00

(SOOPAWAIDSCRIINZ)

AWNSE APAWN EI TAIME
DER WER BATTAFLYEZ.
KEWT. BAT EI
DARGAN EENCEENARATED DA
CAWRN FEELDZ MEIKEENG
MAH GARLFREND ERRAWR.

DEE AND.

DEI WER TRAPZ! OH NOEZ!

2009-05-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
I peeked through
an invisible hole
and saw Poison
playing with Birdo,
exciting Bridget, so
God got confused
and inserted coins
to try again
and furnace his
biggest mistakes ever.
DEI WER TRAPZ!
OH NOEZ! DO
A BARREL ROLL!

The End.

Bunnies Ate Nuns

2009-04-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time

bunnies ate nuns

because they're powered

by Duracell, uniting

the efforts of

kinky prototypes that

were created because

nuns were hungry

for bananas. Then

they thanked them

because it was

what they prayed

for. But suddenly

they woke up.

The End.

The Airwave Returned

2009-04-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

Thrice Upon A Crime
there was an
Emmy-winning enemy
who was befriended
by detergent statues.
Then, out of
the bottomless hat
came the airwave
that now existed
but was still
videoactive, making the
loading screens appear,
maddening the enemy,
who was calmed
by yuri fanfics
like everyone else.
The loading ended.
The airwave expanded
and expanded and
expanded and magentanized
and happily dissapeared.
Again, guilty, lemonades
became so emo
even poetry exploded.
Now, poets are
licking oxigenated compassions
like skin cakes
that twitched underage
boys and girls.
The enemy read
the yuri fanfics,
solidifying into detergent.
The End.

Redemption Indigestion Occurs

2009-03-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time

lightning licked redemptions

with carrots, beans

exciting an apocalypse

of ballet pandas

and ninjitsu zebras.

"Hear me now!"
Indifference struck hard.

"SHRIIIK* made retards,

depressing dead princesses

through intestinal hypnosis.

The End.

Carmilla Incinerated Them

2009-02-10T15:11:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
the walls collapsed
into butter jelly.
This sparked numerous
sparkles, sparkling sparkles,
and seduced sharks
that did: "GlubGlub!"
before "Humm, tasty".
They used to
celebrate these victims
by throwing bricks
in agonizing indifference
to themselves. Anyway
Carmilla survived baking
invisible gnomes and
incinerated all memories
of the future.
"Crash among thyselves!"
And they did...
Oh dear...Nemesis...
Rabbits are summoned
to count ourselves
in panic. Banzai!
The kamikazes imploded
pseudo-zepplins tonight!
However, Carmilla screamed
silently with speakers
and everything froze.
The End? NOT!
Rambo showed up!
Looping this tale
for a thousand
reeling denied absolutions.
THE END.

Aliteration Chain Combo

2009-01-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
there was a
burning river of
morphine. It ultimately
got flamed by
Heaven because lolipops
lost their sticks.
Sweet fury just
became bitter from
halo donuts plagued
by chocolate muffins
ironed by clouds.
Shining black light,
paled by "Him".
"He" and "Her"
met "It", who
was "Him". Then,
Lord! Nothing happened!
Oh! Blasphemy Bill!
Redemption check accepted!
Penitence wallet's empty.....
and copyrighted religion
was patented by
an imaginary error,
that deleted itself.
Lolipops were responsible,
so sue them.
Slippery caked platforms
tripped and died.
The FAIL trees
were cut down
by WIN chainsaws
made of EPIC
blades of purity
that purge sins.
Flames of judgement
burn blue because
yellow yelled "YAY!"
which was wonderful
considering contractions caused
disturbingly damaging diarrehea,
blooming beautiful brown.
Academic balls commence
to bounce over
and off cliffs.
Then it looped
and looped into
burning morphine rivers.
THE END.

She Met "It"

2008-12-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

Once upon that fucking time

an indexed princess

was travelling alone

until "It" imploded.

"It" was raining,

she ignored it.

"It" imploded. Again.

Fashion victimized particles

without fashion sense.

She kept travelling,

away from her

because iron skies

were hailing bullets.

She watched herself

become swiss cheese.

"It" ate her.

THE END.

The Fruitcake Rebellion

2008-10-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
my mom was
a tower. But
it was demolished.
Then, fruitcakes rebelled
against themselves, dying.
This carnival exploded.
THE END.

UNFOLD MY KITTENS!

2008-10-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
a ravenous raven
was hospitalized in
a crystal basement
where pocket vaginas
were distributed to
cancelled armageddons. It
happens sometimes. So,
the raven whitened
and became invisible
to blind-folded nurses
and blind doctors.
Choking carrots, whispering
"the oranges lie".
UNFOLD MY KITTENS!
BEHOLD THE CUTENESS!
Suddenly, they flew.
No! Come back!
They did...silently.
But then, suddenly
but expectedly, anger
slowly disappeared. The
kites dropped bombs
from the ground
on heaven's rectum
inside the planet's
acid filled clouds
which were alkaline.
These contradictions were
imposed by laws.
Promising nothing, water
tried desperately to
flood indecent days
down the mountains
of her breasts.
THE END.

The Clouds' Fertility

2008-10-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
carrying babies to
a sharp edge
was like using
a pink thong.
It was feminine.
So, men also
threw fetus pizzas
against cubs walls
to delight clouds.
However, the clouds
got wet with
their own rain
from god's bathtub
which was dry.
Obviously, the pizzas
were breeding with
women in rails
because they can.
THE END.

Yet Another RS

2008-06-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
a spinning moon
was dancing in
the 70's. But
the dance ended.
The rain started
without clouds. Odd.
Natural toxins spread
into the world
of plastic trees
where iron was
used by cows
to make cheese.
They were intelligent
,those cows! However,
brain eating flowers
were sick because
they ate coins.
Money isn't intelligence.
So, laser needles
were on strike
to the women
because they wanted
a membership to
the cow's iron
knitting club. They
weren't allowed because
they melted beautiful
laser sandpits with
their purple laser
which wasn't purple.
Oh the lies
are the cakes.
And my spite
goes to the
once full grave
of some graveyard.
There, lipsticked girls
were playing with
ghosts. It was
creepy but fun.
Until of course
dawn came which
made them evaporate.
THE END.

Again We Begun

2008-05-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
it began again
and ended twice
so we have
returned to the
beginning once again.
So let's just
end it like
we began it,
to start it
all over again.
We respawned at
square one, so
to reach square
eight, a sacrifice
was hired, because
we haz goldz!
Square eight was
assimilated in one
relentless assault, with
bonus points awarded
and a square-up.
Records were reached
for ultimate failure
because a trap,
set by ourselves,
threw us to
the beginning...again.
Starting again is
like gelatin, it
shakes our self-confidence.
We had to
spray fruitless skies
with tutti-frutti juice.
THE END.

In The Void

2008-05-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
in the void,
everything was empty
and dark, almost
fading time itself.
An aimless comet
exploded into pieces
burning in slow-motion
and with self-grief,
like a flying
dead eagle, it
created a nightmarish
realm of eternal
strife and sorrow.
Nobody heard it
because sound waves
were in .mp3.
Another universe ate
itself with anger
and was stopped
by the poliverse.
A charming purple
was engaged with
monophonic irreligious flames.
By the light,
OPEN THE DOOR!
Milleniums passed since
they hailed to
the void and
now are empty.
THE END.

The Apocalypse Cinema

2008-05-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
a pizza girl
was delivering onions
and roasted tomatoes
to local carrots.
The carrots were
torturing the onions
and the tomatoes
while raping potatoes
with surgical knives
and drugging them
with magical mushrooms
dissolved in serum.
The serum, boiling,
peed brufen syrup
and pooed aspegic,
invoking a pharaoh-
-killer female sphynx,
making penises shrink
and pussies enlarge
in erotic sandstorms
and sperm rainstorms.
This movie ended
with no credits,
so, the DVD
was devilishly corrupted
and ejected itself
hitting and bashing
a tower with
righteous fury and,
making acid spill
through its eyeballs
to the audience,
reducing them to
smoking souls heading
to the smoking-zone.
The molecules rebelled
along with the
non existing particles
starting an atom-
-splitting swing party.
The old gods
captured the DVD's
eyeballs for questioning
but none answered
(eyeballs don't talk).
The stupid gods
incinerated them in
a toxic waste
vending machine. They
manufactured nuclear cokes
and drank them
to change sex
and generate pubic
teacups with virgin's
tities and lemons
smelling them. Then,
their bras splitted
and flew inside
to the gods'
pervert realm of
mistresses of doom.
The mistresses ate
their breakfast and
rode reptiles for
the reptile race
of holy tournaments.
The bras were
cursing entities by
the name of
vinyl airplanes approval.
THE END.

A Girly Rhino

2008-05-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
a rhino in
girly underwear was
sliding in feaces
made of roses
which smelled great.
A flower died.
That was sad.
Really really sad.
An emo gangbang
started running after
a running gag (haha-pun xD).
They caught it
and raped it.
Poor thing. Anyways,
chairs came alive
and started dying
under the rhino's
colossal cock that
ejaculated all evil.
Then a nice
kawaii japanese girl
went away. Pity!
Croissants exploded, so
there's no cheese
and no ham
so, we'll die
of chocolate overdose
but there is
frozen butter at
the south pole.
We'll never reach
it in time,
so let's masturbate
to forget it.
An eclipse then
started flashing in
through the scales
of a fag's
fishy dildo. Oh
supreme lord of
pleasure and greed
don't sodomize me!
My vaginal imagination
is penetrating thorugh
Júlia Pinheiro's ass
until it reaches
thy fertilized ideas.
THE END.

Sweeping Swinging Sweets

2008-05-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
throwing peanuts through
arcs was fashionable,
emotive and sexy.
It attracted many
straws filled with
efervescent bread that
was immediately eaten.
But one day
the night came.
Desperately, townsfolk ran
to the fire!
The luminous fire
burned their fleshless
mechanical bodies. Wow!
Accounts were created
to help rich-
-flavoured milk to
be taken away
to the trashcans.
Sweeping swinging sweets
all over the
marble floor made
them throw themselves
to circus rally
flying coconuts, then
blue ascended. Behold!
"My Fur Burns!"
She was thinking
and then stopped.
Then started drinking
and then flocked.
Then she fell.
THE END.

A Slime Rhyme

2008-04-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
a slow slime
mimicking a mime
ended this rhyme.
THE END.

Purple Was Happy

2008-04-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time
chewing bubblegum all
over the air
started dancing like
demented cactus at
the top of
"that". It exploded,
imploded and disappeared.
Purple was happy.
Yellow was sad.
An air wave
did not exist.
Then something happened.
THE END.

A Simple Suicide

2008-03-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
I killed myself.
THE END.

The Flaming Pleonasm

2008-02-13T01:13:00.000-08:00

Once Upon A Time
a dirty bag
was inside a
giant watering can
spraying milk throughout
ravenous fiends fields
of golden shit
in pregnant mosquitos.
The menstruating skies
were raining blood
through the lacerated
notepapers of doom
from the guidebook
of twilight's hammer
inside raped angels
mouths. The guidebook
was erasing itself.
A vinyl disc
wasn't being played.
The vinyl and
an angry cassette
were arguing about
The immensity of
the cassettes's reels.
Suddenly, CDs appeared
linked by a
a spiritual bond
of dark energy
antimatter quantum states.
A dog appeared.
The CDs disappeared.
The objects suddenly
caught on fire
and burnt down.
The fire was
dancing in the
moonlit forest wind
consumed with nature
and hot sensations
like an orgasmic
Sea of Dirac.
The burning ballet
of blazing flames
consumed by fire
got lonely and
was poured down.
The Dead army
of the living
undead zombies died.
The bananas rot!
And the apples fought
the windows lot.
Angel tears started
watering the forest's
dried trees and
badgers and mushrooms,
which spawned miracles.
Sins were purged.
The free encyclopedia
charged the angels
with fees, so
they could feign
to be good,
because they really
are bad feigners
and bad boys
were slain by
good boys, after
a satanic decree
turned the world
into stinky jellyfishes
to dominate the
heavens above and
heavens down, and
so atheist birds
shit and died.
The fetid corpses
were then eaten,
with horrified screams,
and regurgitated again
in violent spasms
of demental pain
consumed by hatred
and self pity.
THE END.

Girl With Pencil

2008-02-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
there was a
apparently innocent young
big-breasted girl with
a pencil in
her boobs' rack.
She was painting
lying on the
bench at her
first honey moon
which attracted bees
and pedo bears
were in bushes
because they love
when bees are
around them. She
suddently vomited lemons
and felt better.
When she got
in her bed,
a strange smell
coming from deep
beneath her desk,
made her yell
in excitement, she
remembered that her
rat nest had
died three months
after she got
laid with a
minotaur. She proceeded
to clean the
remains of the
nest and suddenly
radio with wings
shit all over
her face and
her pencil sled
down her waist.
She then picked
a blanket to
wipe the shit
off her face.
She remembered her
chewing gum was
between her knees
sticking the hair
at her pubic
area down to
her feet which
difficulted her walking
and was really
disgusting. She removed
her clothes and
the gum. Choosing
to take a
bath or talk
to herself in
slow motion was
a damn-stupid idea.
Then the radio
beeped 10 o'clock.
She grabbed it
but it got
shocked with 70,000W
that caused instant-death.
The radio stole
her pencil and
took it to
Fado who gave
it a gold
Wiimote so that
the Gods of
Nintendo don't sodomize
the lands of
the Asshole Kingdom.

THE END.

The OmgWtf Recepit

2008-02-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
a voyeur crow
was watching some
water sprinklers in
rubber-storage facilities
which had dolls
in kinky positions
hanging in the
toilet's sink, then
he flew to
another storage facility
of forbidden books
that were forbidden
to be written
and then erased,
so the curse
is a website
with broken links
and flooded sinks
of binary souls
and scripted trolls.
The crow shitted,
the shit splitted
and fertilized cassettes
of home-made
ragtime demos. Then
bananas started raining,
books began slaying
genetically modified corn
that rebelled because
tests on living
stones, being against
bricks in the
popcorn religion of
yoko yogurt eaters
that killed actimel
like strange fluids
upon cheese temples.
A rubber-slave
shot the crow
and made barbecue
from omgwtf recepit
of his mother's
brother of cousin's
uncle's aunt of
sister-in-law's
grandfather's sister's brother's
baby dog's veterinary's
concubine's Indian foreteller
which was himself,
and he was
eager to try
not to be
like his future
told he was.
Horrified, he jumped
in the ground.
A rope fell
and rose instantly
disappearing into the
abysmal disappearance place.

THE END.